It Is Not What It Used to Be

It’s been 2 years now.

I remember how the trees were covered with little fragile snowflakes. The ground was as white as snow. There was no sign of green life protruding the frozen ground. Nearby, the lake was rigid with the frosty ice. Although the wintry weather begets such bitterly frigid affects toward the surrounding environment, it didn’t have any impacts on me because I was warmed by your love. Although you were far away from me, I could feel your warm embrace. Although you were 14,265km from me, I could feel your hands wrapping around my body and providing me your body heat because you wanted to shelter me from the icy breeze outside. This was my first time I felt something called love.

We spent a winter by each other’s sides, and we fill our lives with endless wonder. Love was something I first felt with you during the winter. However, when spring came, you were gone. We had lost contact. We didn’t talk. I longed for your presence and ached for your love. I had lost my endless wonder without your smile. My smile was stolen without your voice. My hopeless hope was there inside me because I dreamt you’d come to me. I was a slave of your love.

Although you did me wrong, you were still perfect to me. I swallowed my pride. I destroyed my dignity. I tortured myself with guilt every day. I killed my old happy me. Because of you, it was worth it all. I tried to contact you. I had made new accounts just to know how you were doing. Skype, Email, Snapchat, Message, Phone call—I’ve tried whatever way I could to get in touch with only happiness stuck inside you. Finally, you answered me.

I thought I was strong without you. I thought I didn’t love you anymore. I thought I was right. Still, I was wrong. There was feeling I had for you. There were times I sobbed because I missed you so much. There were times I wanted to say I still loved you, but I was afraid to ruin our relationship as friends. There were times I lost myself in my own reverie that everything was fine like it used to be. There were times that I thought of flying to meet you because you meant so much to me. There is a time I weep while writing this.

It’s been 2 years now. The ice on the lake melt. The snow on the ground thawed. The snowflakes covering the trees disappeared. There are lives pushing their ways from the ground, and the breeze is not as cold as it used to be. However, I am cold, for I have lost the warmth of your affection. Although we talk as friends, the heavenly feeling is not there anymore. This is the second spring I live without the touch of your love caressing my broken soul. Still, I miss you. Still, I love you.